Throughout my life I have spent most of my time in my own head. I've analyzed myself endlessly. I've plucked and dissected every situation and decision I've made (not literally but you know what I mean.) My most prevalent habit is trying to find a reason for everything, but not just any reason, a sufficient and logically sound reason. This may not be the best mind set to possess, but it is the one I currently have at this moment and I'm trying to be honest. It is very hard for me to experience something and feel the emotions which may result and let that be that. I constantly feel a compelling drive to analyze everything I experience in such a critical way. My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She is very comfortable with letting things be and moving on. It's quite remarkable to me how she can experience something just for the experience. It's as if we have two completely different brains. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about this is, one day I asked her if she truly believed in a god. She told me she did so I asked why. She replied with "because I want to." I could not let this go for the life of me. I probably spent 3-4 hours on this same topic with her trying to figure out how she can just do something and let it be without any kind of analytical thought. It's as if she completely removed any doubt and conflicting thoughts she had about the subject and believed it on pure faith and emotion. I truly and honestly envy her ability to do such a thing. She is and will continue to inspire me to do things just to do them. To live life without the explanations. To just be without trying to comprehend the before and after.
I have been doing things in my life, since I've been with this girl, that go against my current comfort zone. I am making a post on my blog that doesn't really have an intended rhyme or reason, it is just what it is, and I'm not going to proof read it or change any words or grammar mistakes. I'm just going to let it be. For one of the first times in my life I'm going to be okay with what is.
2 comments:
Love this post, Marcus! I feel the same way sometimes. It can feel really good to act without reason every once in a while. You feel a little bit more free.
Wait what do you mean by that? Explain please.... Just kidding.
See my posts on the other blog I placed Edmodo. They are relevant to this. How do we know what we know? I do not believe in God the way others do, but I often understand why they believe or want to believe what they do. If someone said, "Do you like Marcus?" I would say, "Yes, of course." If they said "Why?" I could list some reasons that it might be that this is true, but in fact, I would have to say, "I just do. So there!"
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